Love or Lust
by Zero Unit RGB
Summary: I'm a straight man, or so I thought until I lost my virginity to a gay man. He wants to sleep with me again but I don't want to. Not because I didn't enjoy it, but because I'm scared and well, this is simply lust. If we're going to have sex then love needs to get involved at some point. But can we really have something like that? I hope so. Rated M for: Sex, Swearing, etc. [R18 ]
1. That Lustful Night

Shit. I felt so sore. Did I really do that with him last night? That shouldn't have been a question because I knew exactly what we did the night before. The real question was, what did it mean? Does it mean I have feelings for him? But if I did, does that mean I'm gay?

Damn, I've got a headache. I should get myself cleaned up first.

I took a look over to the man in my bed before getting up and moving to the bathroom. Once I was under the running warm water, I started wondering how things ended up the way they had. I think he came over while I was studying…

-X-

I looked up when I thought I heard something. Nothing. I looked back down at my physics textbook when I heard it again, knocking. I pulled out my ear buds and walked over to the door. "I'm coming, be a little patient."

When I opened the door, I saw Shinya Kanbara standing there with a bag in one hand. He had his brother's goofy smile plastered onto his face and judging from the messy state his clothes were in, he was just at some client's place.

"What is it?" I muttered. "I have an exam tomorrow, I need to study."

"That's rude" he pouted as he let himself in, as usual. He set down the bag onto the coffee table and removed his jacket. "I just wanted to hang out with you since you decided to blow off the others."

The others? I almost forgot, it was the first Monday of the month meaning I was supposed to be with the other Legendary Warriors, to spend time with them. But unlike them, I'm still in college so I still had schoolwork to do. I had to cancel no matter how badly I wanted to be with all of them again. Shinya must've decided to come over because he thought I was lonely. That's typical of him. He's a lot like his brother.

"I'm just tired" I said. I realized that while I was in my apartment alone, I had decided to change into my pajamas early, which meant Shinya was seeing me in a plain white t-shirt and black boxer shorts. It would explain why Shinya was staring at me with hungry eyes. "Let me go change and then I'm going to make some dinner. Something tells me you haven't eaten yet."

"What makes you think that?"

"You don't know how to cook shit. And you don't really have any money for convenience store goods."

"You got me there."

"Why can't you just learn how to cook for yourself?"

He seemed offended that I would even suggest that to him. "Eh? But Tomoki-kun's food is the best!"

I sighed in exasperation but just decided to let it pass, this wasn't the first time he's said this. After I got changed, I got to work in the kitchen. My apartment wasn't big; it was rather traditional, tatami mats and a lack of chairs. But it didn't seem to be a big deal for Shinya. He seemed to enjoy being in this confined space, especially after one of his 'jobs'.

"So, who was it tonight?" I asked.

Shinya grinned. "Just this random guy. You probably don't know him."

"Was he a bottom or a top?" I questioned. I don't even know why I need to know any of this.

"Bottom" said Shinya. He revealed that he had brought over a pack of beer cans in the bag. He took one and cracked it open. "But the guy came so easily just from being fucked by me. He stopped there and didn't even let me cum. To top it all off, I'm getting real tired of being the top all the time though."

This was a new piece of information. Shinya is gay, he only has eyes for men but he is interchangeable during sexual intercourse. But the thing is, that's all he looks for when it comes to men. He only searches for something physical and sexual; he doesn't care for a meaningful relationship. The only person he's ever dated was this guy two years younger than him, Makoto I believe.

But even while dating the guy, he was looking all over for sex from other men. Makoto never seemed to mind though. Shinya would never ask for money, he wasn't a prostitute; no he was simply a slut. Whenever I heard my schoolmates referring to the 'faggot slut', I know who they're talking about. I'm just surprised that there are so many guys who are that desperate for some sexual relief at our college though. Especially considering how most seem to be against homosexuality.

I've gotten numerous offers from Shinya myself but I always declined. I was never interested in having sex with a man, whether I was the top or the bottom.

I'm getting sidetracked. "I thought you preferred being the top though."

"Yeah, but I've only been the top for two whole weeks now!" Shinya said loudly. "Even Makoto was a strict bottom."

"So…" I said as I brought the food over to the table. "You want to be the bottom?"

Shinya nodded as he handed me a can of beer. "Not all the time but once in a while would be nice."

I shook my head. "I will never understand what's so enjoyable about having a dick up your ass."

Shinya wiggled his eyebrows. "Would you like to find out?"

I hit him with a frying pan while taking a sip from the beer. I always did this and I warned him about it too. If he ever tried to make any advances towards me, I would hit him with a weapon from the kitchen, non-lethal of course. Frying pans and pots have worked best for me but it doesn't stop him.

"No thanks" I muttered.

Shinya chuckled to himself as he dug into the dinner I made. "Well, I will never understand what it's like to have sex with a girl. It doesn't seem very appealing to me. Then again, I just find the female anatomy to be rather disgusting."

"Better not let any other straight guys here you say that" I mumbled.

"But I do have to say that I get curious sometimes" Shinya mused before getting some look and staring at me. "You could describe how it is!"

I stared at him as if he grew a second head. Why do we use that analogy all the time? There are probably hundreds of others. Anyway, I stared at him in shock. "What?"

"You heard me."

I shook my head. "No, I don't think so."

"Why not?" he whined. "I always share my sexual escapades with you."

"I wouldn't even be able to stop you" I grumbled. "And look, I'm just not comfortable with sharing that part of my personal life with you or anybody else."

"Oh come on, please?" he inquired. "I'm not asking you to murder someone. All I'm asking is for you to tell me one sex story."

I huffed. "No!"

"Why not?"

"Because I've never had sex before!" I don't know why I told him the truth but now I felt so freaking embarrassed. He didn't need to know that, especially not him. He's slept with several people before. He's going to make fun of me. Me, the twenty year old virgin.

"Are you expecting me to laugh or something?" he asked instead.

I was, actually. "It's embarrassing, isn't it? To be in college and to have yet to lose your virginity."

Shinya sighed. "I will never understand virgins either. Why do they think that it's so bad to be a virgin at the age of eighteen or above? I know plenty of virgins in my class. And when you think about it, this is Japan; our people are stereotyped to be rather proper so it shouldn't even be that surprising."

"But that's just a stereotype" I argued. "I mean, you don't act like a stereotyped gay guy. You love sports, hate boy bands, fall asleep during plays, could probably destroy a kitchen by a picking up a pot, and you have a high sexual drive, all stereotyped straight guy things. The only thing you do that is stereotyped for your sexuality is going to whatever guy you choose for sex, no matter what they're personality is like."

"I'm a little hurt by some of those things" Shinya chuckled. "But in that case, you behave more like a stereotyped homosexual than I do. You love cooking, performing arts; you even know how to sew. And let's not forget what happened last Halloween."

"Izumi forced that makeup on me, I didn't have a choice" I snapped. I realized that he was avoiding the original topic. I knew it; he wanted to laugh at me but decided to change the subject to put on the façade of a good friend. "Go ahead and laugh already. I know you want to."

"Tomoki…" Shinya sighed. "It's really not a big deal. You're just being paranoid."

I glanced up at him. "You think so?"

Shinya put a hand on my shoulder and flashed me his famed Kanbara smile; it's apparently an inherited trait among the males of his family. "Trust me."

Somewhere inside me, I knew he was right. It just felt embarrassing when I hung out with a bunch of guys bragging about the girls they've 'ruined' as they've put it. "Sometimes, I just wish I could get it over with so I don't need to worry about it."

"It's really nothing to worry about" Shinya chuckled before getting his idea look on his face.

"What?" But I already figured out what he was thinking when he looked at me. I hit him with the frying pan.

"Ow!" he yelped. "I haven't even said anything yet!"

"I don't care!" I yelled as I stood up. "I'm not going to sleep with you!"

"It's not like I'm going to be the one doing the penetrating" he said as if that made this situation a whole lot less awkward for me.

"Is this for your sake or mine?"

"Yours!"

"Really? Because just a few moments ago, you were talking about how you wanted to bottom."

Shinya fell silent and that's when I knew I was right. "Okay, yes. I'm sorry Tomoki. But…Why don't you want to? Are you against it or…?"

"No, I'm not against the idea, I'm straight but…" I had no idea where I was going with this. "Look, I know a lot of straight guys use you for their own sexual pleasures but you're not a slut to me. You're my friend, one of my best friends, and sleeping with you just wouldn't sit right."

"Takuya said something along those same lines" Shinya muttered.

My eyes widened and he seemed surprised that he had said that as well. "No!" I drew out loudly. "You didn't!"

"N-No! I swear nothing like that happened!" Shinya tried to cover up, but it was too late, it was now in the air for me to dissect.

"You slept with your own brother?!" I screeched.

"Okay, maybe…" he said. "He…Takuya-nii was actually the first guy I slept with but it wasn't him who made the first move. I mean, obviously, he's pretty much the straightest guy I know. But, I was the one who learned about sex and I looked deeper into it on the internet. When I learned about what two guys could do, I…I wanted to try it out and well, Takuya was the only person I could ask. When he declined, I…Did certain sexual tricks I learned online to seduce him."

Part of me wanted to puke; the other part was strangely intrigued. "So...How old were you?"

Shinya took a moment to think about it. "I think I was twelve."

"Twelve?" I repeated. He was an early bloomer, I already knew that. But that meant Takuya lost his virginity at fifteen, possibly earlier. "Wait…So if that hadn't happened, would you not have been gay? I mean, if you basically pushed Takuya into fucking you, then…"

Shinya shook his head. "You should know by now that it's not a choice. No, I knew since I was eight that I was attracted to boys. It was pretty scary really."

"I can imagine…"

The two of us remained silent for a long time as images of the Kanbara brothers getting naked together in bed flashed through my head. I picked up the dirty dishes and moved them to the sink. Shinya watched as I washed them.

"I guess I should go" Shinya said as he stood up.

"Wait" I suddenly blurted out. "You should stay overnight. It's already way past midnight."

Shinya blinked. "Are you sure?"

I wasn't sure what I was thinking, or what I was planning on doing. I just knew that my lower zone was getting tight in the confinement of my jeans. I nodded. "Besides, you need to take responsibility for what you did to me." I moved into his line of vision so that he could see my hard on, which was pretty embarrassing in itself. I could tell that he got pretty excited when he saw it. He grabbed me and pulled me into my bedroom.

"Just pretend I'm a girl you like if it makes you feel more comfortable" Shinya told me before he started kissing and licking my neck affectionately. He must've been able to tell that I was pretty tense. And the way he was moving downward from my neck, unbuttoning my shirt, definitely made me feel a little more relaxed.

"I just need some relief" I breathed out when he started playing with my nipples. "I'm not sure if I'm ready for sex just yet."

"If you say so" he smiled. His hand reached forward and grabbed the bulge in my pants causing me to gasp. "You sure are excited though. I had no idea you liked having your nipples played with like this. It's pretty dirty for someone like you."

"Yeah, well, neither did I" I huffed.

"I guess we both learned something new tonight" he grinned.

Shinya continued leaving a trail of kisses down my body and when he reached the belt of my jeans, he began to methodically remove the bottom layer of clothing with his teeth. I already had an erection but it felt like I was getting even more aroused just by watching him. I didn't need to pretend that he was girl.

He sees my dick now. "I know it's not very big…" I muttered, blushing madly.

"Heh, I've seen smaller" he breathed.

Shinya didn't start sucking right away though. He began with licking me first, circling his tongue around the base of my cock and even going as far as licking my balls. I couldn't help it as I started releasing moans which only seemed to urge him forward. And that's when he started to put his lips around it and move.

My breathing got quicker and the intervals between my moans became shorter. This felt… amazing but somehow, it didn't feel right to me. I knew why when I was approaching my climax. I quickly pushed Shinya away from my member. "H-Hold on!"

"Eh?" he blinked, looking up at me. "What's wrong? I know I'm not a bad cocksucker."

"I-It's not that" I stuttered. "I'm just getting close."

"You said you needed relief."

"Yeah, I know but I…I want to…"

Shinya understood and he began to strip down as I watched. I've seen his nude body several times before but this was the first time I felt embarrassed while he was standing there with his bare body in front of me. I could tell that he was hard as a rock down there but I wasn't here to pleasure him, he was going to pleasure me. Those were his words, I swear.

"Is there a certain position you want me to be in?" he asked seductively.

My heart was pounding in my chest, not because it was my first time, but because of how excited I felt. "I guess whatever you like. I don't really mind. But don't we need protection or lube?"

"Unfortunately, I don't have any condoms with me" Shinya chuckled. "What about you?"

"None."

"Then I guess we have to do this bareback."

"A-Are you sure?"

"I don't mind."

"What about lube? Won't it hurt if we don't have any?"

He shrugged. "Sure, for someone who's doing it their first or even third time. But this is me we're talking about. Even if I haven't done it in two weeks, it won't hurt as much. Don't worry about it." Shinya bent over on all fours as looked back at me. "I'm ready whenever you are."

I wasn't sure if I was ready but there was no turning back now that I've come this far. Actually there is, for a variety of reasons, like how this was unsafe or how I wanted this to be done with someone I love. But this isn't a story about safety or true love; this is about what my lustful desires led me to.

So I put my full weight onto the bed, causing the frame to creak slightly. I put my hands on his back and then I was in. Even though I knew that Shinya had done this kind of thing several times before, his asshole was still tight. It seemed to wrap around my dick perfectly and well, it felt incredible.

"So, do I just start moving?" I asked.

"Don't be an idiot" Shinya grunted. "Of course you do. And there's no need to hesitate, I can take it all."

He wasn't joking around; he really could take all of me with no problem whatsoever. And once I started moving in and out of him, I couldn't stop. It felt too good.

I was fucking Shinya Kanbara and it felt great. I could feel the sweat on my body accumulating and I gripped onto him tighter, crashing my chest against his back. Shinya didn't mind though and I could tell from his heavy and quick breathing that he was enjoying it too. I couldn't hold back, but maybe I should've tried harder too. Either way, I ended up relieving myself, before pulling out.

"Shit!" I gasped as I quickly pulled out. "I am so sorry! I-I didn't mean to!"

Shinya looked at me with mock anger as he crawled over to me, fluids dripping from his posterior. "You realize you have to take responsibility for what you've done to me" he said, using my own words against me. "Are you prepared?"

I knew exactly what he wanted, even if he was only kidding. And the strange thing was, I didn't feel repulsed by the thought like I usually was. "Go ahead…" I whispered.

"Wait, what?" he blinked.

"I said you can fuck me" I clarified.

Shinya backed away a little. "I was just joking Tomoki. Plenty of guys have given me their seed from their end. It's not like you did anything wrong, so we can just stop here if you want. "

I shook my head. "No, I want you to do it."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah" I nodded. "I am. Besides, you haven't blown your load yet tonight, right?"

Shinya searched my face to try and figure me out, see if I was playing some angle before finally giving in. "Lie on your back. I don't like doing it doggy style when I'm the top."

I complied and lay down on my back. I felt even more exposed than I was already. As if I needed more reasons to blush.

Shinya took hold of each of my ankles and pulled my legs apart. He stared down at my privates' area before bending down and licking my hole. That surprised me. I thought he was just going to fuck me but…

"W-Wait!" I yelped. "W-What are you doing? I don't clean down there very often."

He opened up one eye and looked up at me. "I'm trying to get you to loosen up. Unlike me, this is your first time so it's going to hurt, especially considering the fact that we don't have any lube. So, don't worry. Besides, it's helping you get hard again."

I hadn't realized but he was right. I was hard again. Apparently, his mouth was good for the front and the back.

I was moaning even more than when he was giving me that blowjob. "Y-You really know what you're doing huh."

Shinya pulled away and nodded. "You better believe I do. Now, relax, if you tense up, then so will this cute little ass of yours."

I blushed even harder than before, as if that was possible at this point. "Just hurry up."

He was teasing me, I could feel it. He was just rubbing the tip of his cock against my hole, making feel hot and impatient all at once. After what felt like an eternity, he pushed himself in and I gasped. He was big, really big. And he was going in deeper but he was taking it slow.

"It doesn't hurt, does it?" he asked me in a gentle voice.

It did. But the pain was mixing with so much pleasure. "Keep going" I breathed.

And he did. He moved in until he was balls deep and then he started to perform the same hip-swaying motion as I had. But he wasn't going to waste time with me and I could tell as he started to get faster and faster. I could feel his dick thrusting in and out of me and it felt amazing.

"I haven't had an ass this tight in quite some time" Shinya grunted.

"Sh-Shut up!" I moaned. "Just keep going! Ah, fuck!"

I didn't have to tell Shinya twice. He was fucking me hard and deep and I was getting into it too. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to me. I wasn't going to kiss him but I just needed to hold on to something and his warm, sweaty body was closest. It felt good too, our body heat intermingling with each other. I then wrapped my legs around him as well, I didn't want to let go of him. I didn't want to let go of this moment.

"Shit!" he shouted. "I-I'm going to cum!"

I felt his seed inside of me but what surprised me was that the white fluid had gotten on the outside as well, on our skin. And then I realized that I had cum too, from being fucked in the ass. I couldn't believe it but Shinya didn't seem as surprised as he licked some of, well, me, off of my cheek.

"Shit…" I breathed heavily as I released him. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Heh…" he chuckled as he pulled out and then put himself down beside me. "You're probably the best bottom I've ever had in my life."

"I doubt it" I groaned. "God, I feel sore now."

"Yeah, it'll wear off by tomorrow afternoon at the earliest" Shinya chuckled. "We should probably get cleaned up." Even though he said that, he pulled me close to him so that I could feel the sweat running down his body. He refused to let me go.

"I'm too tired to get cleaned up right now" I yawned.

"Good, we're on the same page" he laughed.

I paused; I wasn't sure what else to say after what we did. "…Good night Shinya…"

"Good night." And I fell asleep in his arms.


	2. My Best Friends

I replayed everything that had happen the night before and contemplated on whether or not it was the best one of my life. I guess I'll only know when I get his full reaction. I was surprised that he had gotten up so early especially after climaxing twice last night but then again, I am a generally lazy person.

I gathered up the dirty sheets and wrinkled clothes from the bed and put them in the washing machine in the hallway. After that, I went into the bathroom to wash up before meeting up with my latest partner in the kitchen.

"Morning!" I said cheerfully, surprising Tomoki.

Tomoki echoed my greeting in a much lower volume before turning back to continue making morning tea for himself. Shit. He's avoiding my gaze. I pushed the guy I liked for the last several years even further away from me!

I stood there for a long time, wondering what to do next as I stared at his back.

"Um… About last night…" Tomoki finally uttered.

"Right, about last night" I repeated. "Look, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"I don't want to act like it didn't happen" Tomoki muttered. He was just barely loud enough for me to hear him. "I… I want to know. If I enjoyed being a bottom, does that mean I'm gay or at least bisexual or something?"

Now I get it. He's not mad at me for pushing him into sex. Yes, that is what I'm going to chalk it up to. There's no way he would hate me, right?

Anyway, I could tell that he was really trying to grasp for the answer to this question of his. "It's reasonable for you to enjoy it. I mean, the prostate is in the ass and if it's hit, you receive intense pleasure. And well, with my experience, I know how to pleasure a guy, even the ones most reluctant to have sex with me as the top."

Tomoki seemed to have understood my explanation but he still didn't seem entirely convinced. Crap. He's been my crush for a long time now but he's been my best friend for even longer. I don't want to lose him like a lot of my old friends.

When I first came out, my father was very angry at me while my mother looked like someone had just died. Dad was shouting at me but then Takuya came to my defense, probably because he blamed himself for what had become of me no matter how many times I tried to tell him that I was born this way. After that, I went over and told the other Warriors to see how they would react, especially since I needed a place to stay. Dad didn't let me back in the house for about a week before remembering that I'm still his son, gay or not.

Anyway, Kouichi took it pretty well. He simply smiled and nodded in understanding. Nothing changed, he still tutored me, he still talked to me, and he was totally cool with it. I even thought I was developing a crush in him but it turns out, I was just super relieved that he was okay with it.

Izumi took it better than he did. Saying how she had never known anyone openly gay before and now she could talk to someone about boys. As it turned out, hanging around good looking guys made it hard for her to make genuine girl friends so she turned to me. I wasn't like the stereotyped homosexuals who talk about men all the time but it didn't hurt to have that sort of conversation like it was a normal thing. I stayed at her place for the week since her family had mainly grown up in the west; they were a lot more accepting of my sexuality.

Junpei looked surprised, and then wary but he didn't seem to be against me. His behavior around me did change, he seemed almost cautious, like being gay was contagious or something. I can't really blame him; we did grow up in a pretty conservative country after all.

Kouji was unreadable at the time; actually, he's unreadable all the time. All I know is that he didn't exactly seem to approve of me. That's what I thought, until he protected me from a couple of thugs who wanted to beat me up for being who I am. After that, he started keeping a closer eye on me, he's made it very clear that he doesn't like my kind very much but he's also made it very clear that I'm his friend and he won't just leave me in the gutter if I need help.

Then there's Tomoki. Nothing changed. That's all I can say. Or so I thought. Turns out, he always knew that I was gay because he was the one who was originally protecting me from bullies when I was selling myself to sports clubs to relieve them of their stress of a big game.

I've tried countless times to get close to him but each time, he would pull away and then come back to make sure I know that he's still my friend.

He's always been there for me. I don't want to lose him, not after what we did.

"Shinya?"

I was brought back to reality. Tomoki was finally looking at me again, concern etched into his face. "Oh, sorry! I was just lost in thought."

"I could tell" Tomoki said, giving me a small smile. "Um… How can you be sure?"

I knew what he was talking about. "Well, do you get turned on when you think about a male model's nude body?"

There was a slight hesitation in his answer. "No…"

This might be a huge risk that could backfire and push him even further but… "What about me? Last night?"

He blushed. "Well, maybe, yes? I'm not sure. I got aroused, that's for sure."

There was one more risky method I could try. "They say you can find out your orientation by kissing."

"Kissing?"

It's a lot more intimate than sex since the latter is usually portrayed to be lustful. "Right. If, say, we kiss and it feels right, then you're gay or bisexual."

Tomoki gave me a long hard look but he knew me. I searched for physical pleasure in the form of sex, never have I actually kissed another boy except for Makoto; the only guy I actually dated. He broke it off with me because he realized that there was no way I could ever provide him the real intimacy he wanted. I was stricken with a little bit of sadness at first, but then relief washed over me because I realized that the only reason I wanted to go out with him was because he reminded me of the guy I actually liked.

"Okay, then… If you don't mind…" Tomoki started, he didn't really have to say more.

I actually felt nervous, scared that I was going to push him further away but I wasn't about to back down now. So I put my arms around him and pulled him closer before pressing my lips against his. He was less than a second off but he returned my gesture.

The kiss was something else from everything I've ever experienced because it felt so innocent and pure. We didn't shove our tongues down each other's throats, neither one of us implied that we wanted more than just lip contact. It was warm, gentle, and the best part of it was that it lasted for about ten seconds. And the worst part was that it was over.

When we pulled apart; Tomoki was just looking at me and I wasn't quite sure why.

"Well?" I questioned.

He shook his head. "I… I'm not sure. I mean… I guess I kind of liked it. So… Does that mean?"

I could see that he was scared, terrified actually. I had dinner with the Tomoki's family once and I was just jokingly flirting with Tomoki. Okay, so the Himi family believed I was joking.

Anyway, Tomoki's older brother, Yutaka, got annoyed and told me to stop behaving like a fag. Mister Himi scolded him for insulting a guest but then I made a huge mistake. I told him that it was fine since it wasn't much of an insult for me. I don't want to say bad things about them since they are generally nice people (Except Yutaka) but let's just say that I was kicked out of that house faster than a pedophile on school grounds. Okay, that's not true. There was a lot of yelling after initial shock first.

"If you're this confused, it's only a possibility" I decided to say. "You've lived your whole life knowing that you were straight so just stick to that. If you had any interest in men, then it would've shown a long time ago. Trust me on that."

Tomoki didn't seem too sure but he nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"Of course I am" I smile. Hopefully that'll make me seem more convincing. I don't need him to be so frightened over who he may or may not be, I just need him in my life.

Tomoki glanced at the time and quickly grabbed his bag. "I've got to go or I'll be late for my exam. I've brewed some coffee for you and help yourself to anything in the fridge if you're hungry."

"Yeah, sure" I nodded. This was an ordinary routine for us whenever I stayed overnight. I'm not sure why I even have my own apartment. "Good luck."

"Thanks" Tomoki nodded. "I'll see you later." It looked like there was more he wanted to say but he just left it at that and left.

"Later…" I sighed.

-X-

From one best friend to another. I just needed to talk to someone about everything that had happened. I wasn't sure if I was allowed to talk about last night's events to anyone but I assumed that if it was someone Tomoki and I mutually trusted then it should be all right.

I think she said that she's working here today. It's a good thing I chose most of my classes to be in the late afternoon.

I walked into the building and asked the receptionist about the studio before going over there. When I walked in, I instantly knew that I had walked in on a horny straight man's dream come true. She was standing on glittering sand, her wet blond hair falling over her body, in a sexy pose while wearing only a small black bikini. She had curves in all the right places and the makeup department had done a marvelous job at making her already beautiful face even more stunning.

You're probably wondering how a gay guy knew all this about a woman… I'm gay, not blind. What more can I say?

Anyway, despite the confidence she displayed as a professional model, I could tell she wasn't very comfortable with this photo shoot, with the way the men were staring at her. I could easily see that most of them were already hard down there just standing around there. That was just sad. Though, if it was a really hunky guy then I'd probably be under the same situation down there.

"Okay, we're done!" the photographer said after taking his last few shots. He was also one of the few men who wasn't hopelessly lusting after the model which was probably why she was always asking him to do her shoots. He's also got a really nice body on him, I don't know why he didn't take up modeling, I'd pick up all of the magazines with him in it immediately. "Can someone get a robe for Orimoto-san?"

"Thanks Tokuyama-san" she smiled as she put on the pink robe. That was when she noticed me standing near the doorway. "Shinya! Hey! What are you doing here?"

"I thought we could have brunch together or something" I grinned.

Tokuyama-san lit a cigarette (Indoors… Okay, so he's got some flaws) and came over to us. "Ah, Kanbara-kun, it's nice to see you again. Have you thought about my offer about becoming my personal model?"

This guy jokingly flirts with men as openly as I do. At least, I'm pretty sure he's joking. "Sorry, but I've still got school so I have to turn it down."

"Ah, that's too bad but it's good for a kid at your age to stay in school" he chuckled as he waved his camera around. "I'll be taking this to the media department then. I'll catch you guys later."

After saying goodbye to the Japanese Adonis, we went to Izumi's dressing room so that she could quickly change into her ordinary clothes. Once that's over with, we go over to dessert café across the street. It might've been a bad idea since a lot of teenage girls come here and that's the majority of Izumi's fan base. This means, we were being stared out.

"Is that really Izumi?"

"No way! Why would she come to a place like this?"

"Who is that guy with her? He's kind of cute."

"Do you think he could be her boyfriend?"

Izumi didn't seem to notice at all. Then again, she had been an international idol for about six years now; she must be used to it. "So, something tells me that you came over to me for more than just brunch. No sane person goes to another town just to have food with a friend."

"We're at a sweetshop" I laughed. "How is this brunch?"

"Don't dodge the question" Izumi smiled.

"Well, first, what was that shoot for?"

"It's supposed to be going on the front cover of Jungurubito (Jungle Beat) magazine, a special early summer edition."

"Ah" I nodded as I stirred my tea.

"Now come on, tell me what's going on in that head of yours" Izumi said. "I can never tell. Your facial expressions are as obscure as Kouji's."

I gave her a faux smile. "Then what do you call this expression?"

"Okay, so it was a bit of an exaggeration" Izumi chuckled. "But come on, I can tell you're preoccupied about something. Come on, tell me."

"Okay, if it'll stop you from pestering me" I sighed dramatically. I took a pause to make sure that no one was eavesdropping on us and I think the girls in the booth behind me were but I decided to just take the risk anyway. "Last night, I slept with Tomoki."

Izumi's blank expression told me that she was trying to process this information. "Like… In the same bed…?"

"No! I mean… I had sex with him" I clarified in a hushed tone.

Her eyes widened for a moment and her jaw dropped but she quickly switched to a more neutral expression, now fully aware of my cautious behavior. It's not like I wanted to hide my orientation from the public, I'm open but sometimes, it's just better to leave it hidden. You know, in case there's some conservative psycho with a knife on him.

"Seriously?" Izumi breathed. Her shock was covering the excitement that was underneath the surface, I can tell. She knows that I like Tomoki. "Does this mean that he returns your feelings or what? Come on; don't leave me in the dark! Give me the juicy details!"

It's kind of funny, seeing a model; actress, dancer, and singer whine and plead like a little child.

"There's not much to say" I relented. "He was acting all bummed because he was a virgin and I made my usual stupid offer and then… Well, he took it. Okay, not exactly but he got into a situation in his pants and he wanted me to provide some relief to him. My point is; we had sex."

I'm giving her the abridged version of the story of course; she doesn't need to know about certain details like my incestuous escapades. There are some secrets that best friends can't even share with each other.

"Does that mean he likes you?" she asked, getting to the question I'm still trying to figure out for myself.

"I don't know" I shrugged. "We talked this morning and then… We kissed… And–!"

"Whoa! Back it up!" Izumi practically shouted before remembering the type of conversation we were supposed to be having. She lowered her volume until it was simply a notch above mute. "You guys kissed?"

I nodded. "Yeah, but he only wanted to confirm whether or not he was gay."

"And?"

"He's really confused about it. He's not sure what he is anymore so I decided to tell him that he was most likely straight since that's how he's always thought of himself his whole life" I answer. "It's funny, the LGBT community goes on and on about how their sexuality is something they're born with and well, so do I but then, there are so many instances when straight people actually get confused and feel they could be gay."

Izumi considered what I had just said. "I don't think that's true. I think that it's perfectly natural to love both genders and its only society that keeps us from thinking that. We see straight couples on television, the internet, in public so we think that's what's supposed to be natural and that becomes are mindset. For some, they fall or are more susceptible to attraction with the same sex, they becomes labeled as gay or bi or whatever. But the point is, everyone is born a little gay in my opinion."

"And only for some, it develops" I added.

That would mean that everyone has a little bit of that gay parts in their hearts that they've locked up. I wonder if I held the key to that part of Tomoki's heart.

No! I'm just bringing my hopes up again. I shouldn't do that or the fall is going to hurt a lot.

"I know, it's a strange theory but it's what I believe" Izumi smiled.

"Does that mean there's a lesbian part of you?" I asked, deciding to change the subject.

She didn't look like the idea was preposterous or anything, she just thought about it. "Well, I have been curious, I'll admit but not enough to go out with another girl. Like you, I think I love men a bit way too much. Speaking of which, I've got this massive crush on Atsushi-san!"

"Who?" I blinked.

"Tokuyama-san, Atsushi's his first name."

"You're on a first name basis with him now?"

"What do you expect? We've been working together for years now. I don't call him that in the workplace or near the paparazzi, they may get the wrong idea and all."

I had to admit, I felt a little bit envious of her. "Lucky!"

Izumi shook her head with a fond smile. "It would never work out though. Being on a first name basis with him also comes with a whole new territory, meaning; secret sharing. As it turned out, all those times he's flirted with you, he's been half-serious."

My mouth hung open. "You're kidding me."

"Nope" she shook her head. "That's what I mean by its not lucky because now my fantasies are ruined. But I've got new fantasies of course, ever since he told me that he may be in love with his assistant who's pretty good-looking too. So I give them my full support!"

"For an idol, you're such a fan girl" I chuckled.

"I can't help myself" she laughed. "Nothing can ever steer me away from BL."

The two of us continued this mindless stereotypical girl chatter for a while before it was time for her to get back to her manager. We left the sweetshop and I walked her back to the studio where we stopped in front of my car first.

"Wait" I said before she could get inside. "What am I supposed to do about Tomoki?"

"I think you should wait" Izumi replied. "You don't even know what Tomoki wants to do and it's better not to push anything if you cherish him as a friend."

I nodded. "I do. I don't want to lose him and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world."

Izumi smiled. "That's good."

"But… What if he does like me?"

"Well, you have to ask yourself if it's worth the risk. Dating friends aren't usually a good idea after all."

"Yeah, I'm not sure if I'd survive like you and my brother."

"Actually, Takuya and I stopped talking to each other directly for about three months after our break up" Izumi told me. "But I'm really glad that it didn't affect our friendship all too much afterwards. Anyway, good luck."

"Yeah, thanks" I smiled back.

Izumi went back into the building to meet up with her manager and I got into my car. I wondered about Izumi's theory for a bit and decided that I personally don't believe in it. I still think you're born with your sexual orientation but who knows; maybe it's different from another perspective. I'll never know. But at this very moment, I've never wished so hard to know what another person is feeling.


	3. Something Beautiful

I couldn't focus at all so I'm fairly certain that I bombed my exam. But my mind's too preoccupied to be too concerned about failure either. I just can't stop thinking about last night and how much I wanted to do it all over again but… It just keeps bringing up the question; am I gay?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it obviously, I've been supporting Shinya my whole life. It's just… Some people don't realize that they need to respect the space of others. The anti-bigots, so to speak, go out of their way to tell someone to support the LGBTQ community and all that. But the thing is, if bigots cannot change our minds then what makes us think we can change theirs?

I'm not saying that we should stop pride parades and protests but maybe, dial it down. The pointless arguments of 'Gays are human too' is lost to them. The same way 'Gays will burn in Hell' is lost to us. We speak on different wavelengths but we keep trying to create a meeting point. We do that on our own, not with help from the opposite side.

I'm getting way off topic here. The point is that I'm scared. My family is very conservative and if they thought I was gay…

I need to talk to someone about this. By now, Takuya and Kouji are working a few towns over so there's no way I can bother them. I think Izumi just finished some photo shoot and is now getting ready to fly out to Hokkaido for some movie. Kouichi is probably still in med school or volunteering at some local rescue center. That leaves me only one option… Ugh, why him?

Junpei is a good guy, really he is. It's just, if there was one bigot in every six people, Junpei would be the guy for our group. He's not totally against gays, he takes a more neutral standpoint if anything, but he tends to avoid homosexuals like the plague. Okay, that's an exaggeration but you get the idea.

I believe he's working on site, not too far from my apartment building actually. About ten blocks down.

As I rounded the bend of my street, I could hear the loud sounds of construction work and as I neared the site, I could see the back of my old friend studying some blueprints in his hands.

In the thirteen years I've known everybody, no one has changed more than Junpei. After coming back from the Digital World, he made a vow to stop being lazy so that the day he reunites with Beetlemon will be a proud one. He started going to a gym and helping out his uncle who owned a small construction firm. It wasn't long before Junpei took over as foreman and is now calling the shots. Presently, his muscles bulged out from underneath his clothing, puberty got rid of a lot of his chubbiness too, and I could see the rough stubble on his chin as he stared at the new building's plans with a rather distracted expression on his handsome face.

Shinya describes him to be a 'gay man's manly mantasy'. Yes, those are his exact words. And Junpei has heard him say that too so that's an added reason for why he avoids Shinya.

"Junpei?" I called out to him over the noise.

His reaction surprised me immensely. He was surprisingly jumpy as evident by how he visibly leapt into the air a few centimeters and tossed the blueprints onto the dirt. When he realized that it was me, he visibly relaxed. "Oh, it's you. Sorry about that Tomoki."

"Are you okay?" I asked in concern. "I haven't seen you this jumpy since we had to worry about Duskmon coming after us."

Junpei gave a humorless laugh to the old memory. "I'm fine. I've just been really stressed lately because the clients pushed up the deadline for the project and the president, Hato-san, is basically breathing down my neck to make sure I don't screw this up."

I almost forgot. When the Shibayama construction firm ran into some financial trouble, a huge firm took them in, merging the two together. The president of this group goes by Hato-san and if Junpei isn't careful he could lose almost everything.

"When's the deadline?" I asked.

"They want it done by the end of the year" Junpei huffed as he walked over to me. I was standing right outside the hard hat zone. "I wonder if they realize it takes a long time to construct an actual building. Thankfully, we just need to handle the infrastructure, walls, and floors. The contractors deal with the inside and that's a separate story."

Junpei always does this; he gives way too much information to anything concerning his career even if the listener doesn't care all too much. But I have to admit, I like seeing how he lights up when he talks about it. I remember when we were younger and how he was automatically turned off by physical labor. Suddenly, he lives for it.

"So you should be able to get it done by then, right?" I questioned.

"Hopefully" he nodded with a grin. "So, what brings you here? I thought you had some big exam."

I nodded. "I just finished it. But, um, I actually… I wanted to talk to you about something. It's really personal so I would like it if we could talk somewhere more private."

Junpei's smile faded into a more serious expression. He was concerned about me, I could tell. He opened his mouth to respond but all that came out was a yelp. "Yipe!"

I took a step backwards in surprise which was how I saw the rather large man standing behind my friend. He was laughing wholeheartedly like he was in a bar with friends and he was told some hilarious joke. Apparently, I missed the punch line but Junpei didn't.

"There's my cute little Jun-chan!" the stranger laughed.

"Jun… -chan?" I repeated. I could now see that the man was also a construction worker which meant he worked for Junpei.

Junpei was blushing. "Kiraya-san! I told you not to call me that! Now get back to work!"

Kiraya was unfazed by his superior's authoritative tone. "Eh? But, you didn't seem to mind being called Jun-chan when–."

"Well, I'm going to be taking my lunch break with my friend now!" Junpei quickly shouted, cutting the older man off. He grabbed me by the arm and started dragging me away to a sandwich shop a block away.

After the events from last night, the random thought of Junpei having some sexual relationship with that man from before came to mind but I brushed it off quickly. There was no way that someone as homophobic as Junpei would have sex with a man, right? Then again… Even though I wouldn't call myself homophobic, I definitely would've never imagined myself to have had sex with a guy either and we all know how that turned out.

"Junpei?" I said once we had sat ourselves down in our usual booth. "Um… Why did you pull me away like that?"

Junpei took more than ten seconds before answering and whenever he does that, it means he's trying to come up with a lie. Junpei's not the type to think about his responses for than a second or two, he prefers to speak his mind most of the time. "That guy, Kiraya-san, says some of the most bizarre things. He's always joking around and for people who don't know him all too well, they could take him seriously?"

"What's wrong with that?" I shrugged. "It almost sounds like you're describing Takuya."

"Well, it's just that… Kiraya likes to joke about sleeping with me. So, I don't want you to have the wrong idea or anything" he chuckled nervously.

I thought so. Well, he just basically confessed one of his biggest secrets to me, which means the only way to tell him mine is to just do it. "I had sex with Shinya last night."

Junpei's eyes grew so wide that I was nearly certain that they'd fall out of their sockets. "You did what?!"

I quickly shushed him, as did half the patrons in the restaurant. I suddenly regretted my decision of coming to him. "Are you hungry? We should probably get some sandwiches."

"Okay…" Junpei nodded as calmly as possible. "But when we get back to our seats, I want the full story."

"And you'll get it" I promised.

The two of us got our food and sat back down. Junpei wasn't going to rush me just like how I wasn't going to unnecessarily question him about his relationship with Kiraya-san. When we were halfway through with our sandwiches, I could see that Junpei was expecting me to talk.

I took a deep breath before recalling the events in vague detail. "I'm not quite sure what had happened. I just know that he came over to keep me company and we started talking. He was talking about his 'client' and then he pushed me to talk about my sexual adventures but I didn't have any to tell. Suddenly, our conversation took an even more sexual turn and I became aroused. So I decided to take him up on one of his usual offers except, I wasn't expecting it to go as far as actual intercourse."

"So… Which one of you was the top?" Junpei asked.

"I was, at first, but then we switched roles" I said nervously, wondering what he would think.

"Did you…"

"Enjoy it?"

"…Yeah…"

"Yes…?"

"You sound unsure."

"What would you think if I did?"

Junpei gave a heavy sigh. "Well… I guess I would think that you and I have had similar experiences then."

Holy shit, is he saying what I think he's saying? I had assumed that if he was in a sexual relationship with Kiraya-san, then he was the top. But to say that we had similar experiences can only mean one thing. "Are you serious? But I thought…"

"You thought what?" he inquired.

"I kind of thought you were homophobic" I confessed. "I mean, when Shinya came out to us, you were kind of avoiding him. And whenever the two of you were in the same room together, you would always seem cautious around him."

"I was just, kind of afraid" said Junpei. "I was always bi-curious but I never really acknowledged that side of myself because of everything we're taught about how homosexuality is wrong or immoral. I evaded Shinya because – and this is a really stupid reason when I look back on it – I was afraid that I would be influenced by his, um, behavior." It felt like he was hiding something from me. There was no way that the Junpei I knew would be so afraid of his bi-curious side; simply because of what we were told when we were young.

"That doesn't sound like you" I pointed out. "Was there another reason for you to be scared?"

Junpei paused. "My cousin, Kousuke, is gay. When I was eighteen, he was a year older and he came out with his boyfriend by his side. Kousuke was rejected by the entire family and we lost contact with him. So, I wasn't scared of that side of myself, I was more terrified of rejection, especially from my family. The part about Shinya influencing me is still true because I was really naïve and dumb."

That made more sense. After all, Junpei was never really significant among his peers before going to the Digital World so the thought of being seen as invisible by his own family would've been intensely painful. "I get what you mean."

"So, why did you want to talk to me about this anyway?" Junpei asked, circling back to how this conversation even got started.

"It's just that… I'm really confused" I admitted. "I think I may be gay or bisexual, I don't even know and it just bothers me. But what really bothers me is the fact that I want to do it again with Shinya. But we're best friends; I don't want to do something like lead him on or anything. What am I supposed to do?"

Junpei thought about it for a bit. "How much do you like Shinya?"

"What?"

"Do you think that your feelings for him may be more than friendship?"

"I don't know!" I huffed. "That's why I'm so confused. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship but I'm not sure I can be around him without being constantly reminded of…"

"Sex?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, just wanting only sex and wanting a real relationship are two different things. The former is purely for physical pleasure whereas the latter, is when you're searching for an emotional connection between two hearts. If you're seeking only sex, then I suggest you give up on your friendship with Shinya and never go near him again because it will only push him to assumptions about your relationship."

"But… I don't want that…"

"I know you don't" Junpei quickly continued. "But from what I can tell, you might actually have feelings for Shinya. Maybe, you should take a chance."

"But what if it doesn't work out?"

"You won't know until you try."

Then, I became curious about another thing. "What about you? Did you decide to go out with Kiraya-san or something?"

"No, I didn't" he said. "Kiraya… He asked me out after the first night but I didn't feel anything for him. At the time, he was still a new worker so I barely knew anything about him. I didn't want to lead him on and from that first night, I knew that I wasn't interested in having a relationship with another man. I was just curious and that was it for me. But…"

"You two are still having sex with each other?" I concluded.

His head fell into his hands, looking ashamed of himself. "I know it's wrong to have sexual intercourse and pretend that there are no strings attached."

"Do you plan on putting a stop to it any time soon?" I asked.

"I've been trying but… He keeps insisting that all he needs is, um, a partner in the bedroom from time to time, and nothing more" Junpei muttered.

"Do you believe him?"

"Not for one second."

"So, what are you going to do about it?"

Junpei gave me a long hard look. "I'm going to find someone else for Kiraya-san. Someone who can give him what I can't. It shouldn't too hard for a man like him to find a real partner. According to him, he was straight but then some guy got involved with him and he claims to be bisexual now."

"So, you have a lot of options then" I chuckled.

"He has a lot of options, you mean" Junpei grinned.

"When and how did it happen anyway?"

Junpei rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I believe it was last month. Kiraya's work ethic was surprisingly lacking compared to how he was doing the previous days. I had to confront him about it as his behavior was becoming a detriment to everyone else. He wouldn't really tell me anything though so I decided to try and cheer him up by taking him out for a drink after work. I don't think I've ever seen anyone take so much alcohol in one night so he was hammered by the time he was finished. So I had to half-carry, half-drag him back to his house."

One of my best talents is my ability to envision events in my mind's eye.

-X-

"It's surprisingly empty" Junpei muttered.

Kiraya slipped out of the younger man's grasp and collapsed onto his bed. "Well, that's the life of a divorced man whose wife took almost everything."

Junpei crouched down beside his red-faced worker. "Were you thinking about your ex-wife? Was that why you've been acting so depressed lately?"

Kiraya shook his head. "No, I was thinking about… an ex-boyfriend." Junpei thought he misheard Kiraya but before he could say anything, the older man continued. "I saw him again recently but he had already moved on and outright rejected me. He and his boyfriend even had sex right here, in my house. I think they did it on the spot you're kneeling on."

"Okay then!" Junpei said quite loudly as he stood back up. Junpei quieted down as soon as he regained his composure. "Look, I'm really sorry about that but if this guy moved on, then so can you. There are plenty of single people out there and for a guy like you; it shouldn't be too difficult to land a lover."

Kiraya turned his head and looked at him. "What about you?"

"What about me?" Junpei replied.

Kiraya was starting to get up now. "Are you single?"

Junpei now understood what his employee was saying. "Oh, um, yes. But I'm straight. I'm not interested in men so I wouldn't be a very good option for you. Trust me on that." Junpei was about to scurry out of the house but Kiraya grabbed him and forced him to the floor so that he was over him, pinning him down. "W-What are you doing?"

It was obvious that Kiraya was incredibly drunk but the fogginess in his eyes had cleared away somewhat, leaving Junpei with the sense that Kiraya was well-aware of his actions. "I thought the same thing but you never know what can happen until you try."

Kiraya pressed his lips against Junpei's fiercely kissing him for several seconds. When Kiraya pulled way, Junpei was left feeling dazed and breathless, this gave the older man the chance to continue his actions even further. It wasn't long until their clothes were stripped off and they were just leaning against the wall, kissing and groping each other.

Junpei wasn't quite sure what he was doing or why. It's not like he was drunk off his ass like his sexual partner but he just felt so aroused by that first kiss and everything was happening just made him feel so good. By morning, neither one felt the need to explain the events from last night.

"So… Am I fired now?" Kiraya asked nervously.

Junpei looked around the mostly empty house and sighed. The emptiness made him feel sympathy towards the older man and he decided to simply chalk it off as too much alcohol. "I can't do that. For the most part, you are a diligent worker and you clearly need the money. You haven't done anything in violation of your business contract so I see no reason to let you go."

Kiraya released a breath in relief. "Thank you so much! I will not let you down Jun-kun!"

Junpei cringed. "There's no need for the '-kun' honorary."

"Then how about Jun-chan?"

Junpei blushed. "What?! K-Kiraya-san, I don't think we're close enough for you to call me by that name."

"Okay… Then how about we go out? On a date?"

-X-

"You skipped over the sex parts" I pointed out to Junpei.

The blood rushed to Junpei's face in embarrassment. "Of course I did! You're a grown man; you should know the gist of it. And besides, I've known you since you were eight, it's hard to explain things like that when all I can remember was that innocent little kid."

"So, I'm not so innocent now?" I asked.

"Hey, don't push me into awkward situations. I've had enough of those to last me a lifetime."

"Isn't that what you said about dangerous situations?"

Junpei gave me a knowing look and we both smiled. "I'd give up my monotonous life in a second to go back to that life but not permanently." This is coming from the guy who actually loves his job and takes the most out of every day. And I agreed with him.

"Hey, Junpei…" I said. "Do you think we've drifted apart since we all met thirteen years ago?"

"It happens to all friends at some point" Junpei sighed sadly before giving me a sad smile. "We can never return to the old, merry memories but we can always return to each other. None of us have the heart to let go of any of us."

I felt almost depressed hearing this. It made me realize that it was very similar to the situation right now. Junpei and I haven't really sat down and spoken to each other in months. The last time we spoke to each other was back in June, when his firm started on the building. But here I was, returning to him and seeking a friend to talk to.

"We'll always have each other" I nodded.

"We always will" Junpei chuckled before checking his watch. "My break is up. I should really get going."

I hadn't even realized that we had been here for at least half an hour. "I guess I should go back home and start on my English essay."

"Sounds fun" he snorts.

Junpei was going to handle the garbage we left on the table so I just grabbed my bag and marched towards the exit. My hand was on the door handle when the he called my name. I turned my head just in time to see him pulling paper flowers from out of thin air.

I was stunned for a few seconds but then I smiled. "You still do magic."

"You guys all have amazing things going on and you always have something beautiful to tell me when we see each other" Junpei chuckled. "So that I don't ever bore you guys with construction talk, I wanted to make sure that I would always have something beautiful to show you."

"Next time, show us another trick" I said. "When we're all together."

"Why wouldn't I?" Junpei returned the smile. "Good luck with Shinya."

"Good luck with Kiraya."


	4. Until You're Ready

I'm done with my classes for today but I don't feel like going back to my shitty apartment. Mostly because I felt a magnetic pull trying to take me back to a different shitty apartment. Well, actually, it's not that shitty. It's tidier, smells better, and the lights work better.

As I was leaving the campus, I was stopped by an upperclassman in the boxing club. I think his name was Tadashi or something. I can't really remember. But I do know that he is one of my clients and personality-wise, he's a piece of crap. But he is oh-so-good in bed.

"Hey, Kanbara!" he called out to me.

I restrained myself from giving him a rude response. "What is it?"

He draped an arm around me but not in a flirtatious manner. It was more shady and confidential, like a pot dealer trying to hide the fact that he was selling drugs by pretending to be friends with the buyer. "Listen, the team is going to be having a match on Friday but we've been having a bit of a losing streak. We're all really stressed so I figured that we'd use you to let out our pent up frustrations. You think you could drop by on Thursday for a little motivation training?"

This guy is literally inviting me to a gangbang on school grounds. And people say I have no shame. Also, notice how I say gangbang and not orgy. The thing about sports teams is that they're generally all straight, meaning with a male partner, they're tops. How else do you think everyone knows me as the school slut?

"Its fine" I replied nonchalantly. What am I supposed to do? Reject the boxing team? They'd pulverize me. Besides, I don't expect to be having a good fuck in a while. And no offense to Tomoki but he wasn't very good at being a top, my ass is starting to itch for it.

"Good" he patted my shoulder. I think he may have dislocated it. "We'll be expecting you in the locker room after school."

"Sure" I muttered before escaping him. "I'll see you then!"

The commute to Tomoki's apartment was an uneventful one so I won't mention any of the unnecessary details. When I got there, Tomoki wasn't home so I let myself in. I have a spare key but I always knock anyway. It wasn't until five PM that Tomoki actually came back.

"Shinya" Tomoki greeted me. He didn't seem that surprised to see me but he didn't seem all too happy either. It was like he was hoping to avoid confronting me. Crap. Does that mean he's going to try to avoid me because of what we did last night?

"Um… Hey" was all I could say. Usually, I'm really good with words but I get so tongue-tied around Tomoki.

An awkward silence fell between us. Not good. Our silences are usually comfortable, not the opposite. I knew it was a mistake to have sex with him.

Tomoki moved over to the kitchen and started pouring rice into the rice cooker. "I'm going to get a start on dinner. You can just watch TV while you wait or something."

I didn't like this. I wanted to talk about something. About last night. About something that would break this awkwardness. "I saw Izumi today, before she headed off for her other shoot. She told me that her photographer is actually gay. Can you believe that?"

"…I saw Junpei today. And I told him about what we did" Tomoki confessed.

That explains it. Junpei must've freaked out or something and he's probably had some reaction to Tomoki that made Tomoki even more self-conscious! I've never disliked the old man before, mostly because he is serious masculine eye candy, but for once, I do.

"And let me guess, he was disgusted" I huffed.

Tomoki shook his head. "Actually… He told me some interesting things. I'm not quite sure if I'm allowed to share."

"What?! That's not fair! I told you about Atsushi-san!"

"Who?"

"Izumi's photographer, that's his first name."

"Oh…"

I couldn't take it anymore. "Do you regret what we did last night?"

Tomoki seemed startled that I even brought it up and now I knew I made a mistake last night. I grabbed my bag and was about to push my way through the door so I won't have to hear his answer but he stopped me. He pulled me back and kissed me on the mouth. Like before, there was no playing, it was a pure and innocent kiss and I still wanted more.

"You're an idiot" Tomoki said when he pulled back.

"Then what was that for?" I asked.

"To make sure you know that I don't regret it" he said firmly. I could feel the heat from his body because he was so close and I could see the tint of red rising to his face. "I'm just so goddamn afraid that something is going to go wrong and we can never go back to being friends."

"Don't be stupid" I replied. "I'm supposed to be the idiot in this relationship, not you." Izumi told me to stay away if I really valued our friendship but something about Tomoki just made me gravitate towards him. I can't ignore my feeling for him any longer. "If you enjoyed it, if you feel like you like me, then just say so."

"Wasn't that kiss enough?" he inquired. There's the humor I was missing.

I pressed my forehead against his and caressed his cheek with the back of my hand. "I need to hear you say it. I need to have it out in the open so that I know for sure that this is real and not some cruel dream my mind has made up."

There was a short pause but Tomoki wasn't about to risk having me walk out on him again, I could tell. "I like you Shinya. I really like you."

"Good" I said before kissing him again, more passionately this time and he reciprocated. We kissed each other for what felt like hours before pulling apart, gasping for air. "I've liked you for so fucking long that it hurts to let it all out now."

I was about to drag him into his bedroom but he quickly slipped out of my grasp. I was still in motion so I almost fell over but I caught myself.

"Wait, Shinya!" Tomoki said. "I'm not ready to do it again."

He can read me so well. "But I thought you said…"

"I said I liked you" Tomoki repeated. "But if we're actually going to be lovers then I don't think we should be having so much sex. We'll just end up with a purely physical relationship rather than an actual one."

I'm impatient and horny, Tomoki knows these things about me but I could tell he was serious about this. And seeing his face, there was just no way that I could simply say no to him. "I guess so… But if we're going to be lovers, then don't we need to go on dates? Are you sure about going out in public as a gay couple?"

"Well… No, not really" he admitted. It should sting, even a little, but he is just to cute.

"Well, I guess at-home dates aren't uncommon nowadays" I chuckled before coming up with another idea. "Lovers also tend to live together, so how about if I move in? I can pack up my bags and be back here in about an hour at most." I knew I was rushing things but like I said, I'm impatient.

"Uh, well, I don't really mind you living here, that's not much different from everyday life honestly" Tomoki said. "But there is one thing that definitely has to change."

Uh-oh, he sounds real serious here. "And what's that?"

"You can't be acting like a plaything for other guys anymore. If you're going to be my lover then you should know that it's not right to do things like that."

Of course I knew that! It just slipped my mind that I would have to stop visiting clients. But now that it's back in my mind, I realized that I have to somehow cancel my appointment with the boxing club. I don't think that's going to go over so well. "I can do that…"

"You don't sound so sure about that" Tomoki pointed out.

I didn't want to tell him about the boxing club because he'd just get worried and put himself on the line just like he's always done before. The first time when I started behaving like the local whore, I ended up stupidly asking out an upperclassman in basketball club. He was generally nice to me but it was only when I asked him out that he was just taking pity on me because he was disgusted that I had done that. He actually tried to physically harm and if it weren't for Tomoki protecting me, I actually could've gotten really hurt.

"It's fine" I chuckled, trying to put up a believable front. "I just have a couple clients lined up and now I have to cancel. No big deal, just a couple of desperate boys who need to relieve themselves of stress or a couple others who are curious." My curious clients are always my secret ones so hopefully, Tomoki will stop asking.

"Oh, okay then…" Tomoki nodded understandingly. It worked!

It's time to change the topic of conversation. "So, about this morning… Were you able to sort out your confusion? I know you were really worried about whether or not you were actually gay."

"…I lied this morning" Tomoki confessed. "I said I didn't know about the kiss and if it really affected me but the truth is, it did work for me. I enjoyed the kiss about as much as I enjoyed the sex, maybe a little less because I am a hormonal teenage boy."

I still love that humor of his. "So, are you saying you're gay or bi now?"

"No…" Tomoki shook his head. I tried to hide my disappointment and puzzlement. "If you phrase it like that, it implies that I suddenly became gay or bi. No, I think I was always bi because I've had interests and temptations before you but I was simply too afraid to admit it. So, I'm not 'saying I'm gay or bi now', I'm saying I've always been this way."

"That's… great" I breathed. I couldn't believe how happy I felt when I heard him say that. Maybe I was scared that I pushed him into making this decision of going out with me. "One more thing, how long will it be until we can actually have sex again?"

The look he gave me showed disapproval but I knew that he expected this form me. "When I feel like I'm ready to do it again…" he answered. "You can't possibly be that impatient can you? If you're horny, then just jerk off like a normal guy."

Oh? "So, how often did you do it considering you've never had sex before last night?" I decided to ask. I loved seeing how flustered he looked when he realized what I asked. He's just too cute!

"That's not important!" Tomoki coughed. "Why don't we go to your place to bring your stuff here."

"Wait, so you want me to move in with you?"

"Is that wrong?"

"No… It's just that… Right now?"

Tomoki tilted his head the side as he tried to figure me out before dead panning. "You're turned on right now, aren't you?"

I looked away. "Maybe…"

"How?"

"Your cute face."

"I don't think that would be enough."

"When we kissed, it really excited me and now… I can't bring it back down" I chuckled. That was when Tomoki noticed the bulge protruding from my jeans. For any of the ladies reading this, that is not comfortable in the slightest. Probably one of the worst feelings but it's worse if we're out in public. Adjustments are not easy to do out there.

Tomoki sighed and kneeled down, his face only centimeters from my crotch. He unhooked my belt and unzipped my jeans. He's not actually going to do what he's about to, is he? He must've been able to tell that I felt confused again because he paused and looked up at me.

"I'm not ready to have full-out sex again but I can at least fix this little problem" Tomoki shyly told me.

God, he is just too cute! "Are you sure?" I questioned. "I mean, as far as I know, this is going to be your first time…"

Tomoki gave a slight nod of his head as he whipped out my hard dick. I could tell that he was really nervous so I decided to guide him through it a little.

I brushed my hand through his brown hair and gently pulled him closer to my hot member. "Just take it slow. I'm not expecting you to deep throat it or anything."

Tomoki nodded as he grabbed it with one hand and put his lips around it. In all honestly, it's been a while since I last had a blowjob too and he wasn't that bad for his first time. I could feel his tongue wrapping around my dick as he moved forward and back along the first half of it.

I released a couple moans of pleasure which was a good enough signal as any to show Tomoki that he was doing a decent job. About another minute into it and I realized that he was no longer sucking but licking around the base which felt just as good, if not, better than before. He even decided to suck on one of my balls a little before going back to sucking. I realized a little too late how close I was to reaching my climax.

"Shit! I'm–!" Too late. But it was enough of a warning for Tomoki to pull his head back but not before I came all over his face and a little bit into his mouth. "Sorry…"

Tomoki rubbed my seed off of his face and started spitting. "Ugh, that tastes awful…" He rubbed his mouth, trying to get the taste of my semen out of his mouth.

"Really?" I blinked. I helped him up and licked some of my markings off of his cheek. "I like the taste, even if it is my own."

"It's too salty for me…" Tomoki coughed as he went for a towel in the kitchen. "Next time, give me an earlier warning."

"Sorry…" I said again as I grabbed a tissue and wiped off the rest of the leaking cum off my dick before putting it back in my pants. "I zoned out, you're not half bad with giving blowjobs. Are you sure that was your first time?"

"I'm pretty sure" he nodded after washing his face. "Do you actually swallow that stuff though?"

"Usually" I nodded before planting a small kiss on his lips. "I don't really care if you hate the taste of my semen but what about my cock? Did you at least enjoy tasting that?"

Tomoki paused and kissed me again. "Admittedly, I did. It was really warm and smelled really musky, not bad for someone who prefers to sit around the couch rather than do actual exercise." A compliment mixed in an insult, how typical of him.

"You can be such a tsundere" I chuckled.

"I know I can" he replied before throwing my keys over to me and I caught them. "Now come on, I thought you wanted to move in."

I almost forgot. "Right." I threw an arm over his shoulders but unlike the previous arm draping earlier, this one was intimate and flirtatious. "So, out of curiosity, where do you want me to sleep? I was thinking there was enough space on your bed for a cozy cuddling before sleeping."

"Don't get your hopes up" he shot back but I could tell he was perfectly fine with having me sleep in the same bed.

-X-

I heaved a sigh of relief once I was done talking to my landlady about letting me out of my lease. Lucky for me, she had a niece who was a major fan of Izumi and guess who had a couple of Izumi merchandise given to me in case a situation like this ever arose? Indirectly thanks to Izumi, I was able to get out of my lease and now I can go back to my apartment to finish packing everything up.

I walked back into the apartment and saw Tomoki sitting on the living room floor staring at an assortment of my belonging in front of him. Many of the belongings were incredibly perverted meaning gay porn magazines, dildos, other various sex toys including ropes used for bondage, and of course, porn DVDs. I actually forgot that I had all of this stuff lying around but then again, I didn't exactly have the time to hide any of this.

"Why the hell do you need all of this stuff if you go around having sex with random guys all the time?" Tomoki asked me as I knelt down beside him.

"I'm a pretty big pervert" I chuckled. "But hey, none of this stuff counts as cheating on you if I use them, so it's okay for me to keep them right? And if you want, when you're ready, you can go ahead and use these too."

I just loved seeing him blush like that. "I don't want to use these! Why do you have bondage belts anyway?"

"Some of my clients are into some sadistic shit" I replied. "And well, I'm not light on masochism. Sometimes it gets into the opposite roles but I'm not much of a sadist. Well, I like having people beg but that's pretty much it."

Tomoki looked like he was having a migraine and I knew what he was thinking. He was thinking that he fell into the world of Fifty Shades of Grey. Hey, the only fantasy scene I want to reenact from that book is the part where the main girl is getting a job right out of college. Besides, it's a straight couple, as if I could keep reading that crap without wanting to puke.

"Please… Throw these out… I'm fine with you keeping the rest but put it someplace where I don't have to see it" Tomoki sighed.

"No problem" I promised.

And with that, we moved along, packing my stuff into boxes and moving them into the trunk of our cars. I handled all of the perverted stuff and decided that my S&M stuff would be given to a pen pal as an early Christmas gift. He's an extremely masochistic American boy who I've never met but always wanted to fuck. He wanted the same but he'll just have to take my gift as an apology for not being able to have sex. Eh, he'll understand, he knows all about how hopelessly I've fallen for Tomoki.

"What are you looking at?" Tomoki asked as he put the last box in his car.

"You…" I said in response as I walked up to him and kissed him right in the middle of the street, not caring who saw us together. "I love you Tomoki. I don't expect you to reply with the same but I just wanted to tell you."

Tomoki pulled away from me, not because he didn't want to be near me but unlike me, he's not comfortable with doing these types of things in public.

He didn't reply to what I said and that's to be expected because I don't expect a reply from him yet. "Let's go back to my apartment" he said quietly.

I'm not afraid of ruining anything just yet. It's too early to think about that. I know how I feel and I now have some idea of how Tomoki feels about me. One day, I hope he'll say that he loves me too but for now, I'm just so happy to have him in my life.

"Yeah…" I nodded as I got into my car. "Let's go home."

Let's go back home and stay there forever. Those are the types of things I want to say to Tomoki right now but I can't because I know he's not ready. I'm impatient but for him, I can wait. I will wait. I love you, Tomoki Himi.


	5. In The Morning

When I woke up this morning, I felt something poking my leg. I knew exactly what it was and I kicked the owner of it off my bed.

"Ow!" Shinya yelped. "What was that for?"

"Your morning wood waking me up at six in the morning" I replied irately. I'm never in a good mood in the morning, luckily, Shinya already knew that.

Shinya crawled back into bed and planted a kiss on my cheek. "Oh come on, you're acting as if you don't like it."

"Not if it's going to wake me up this early" I yawned.

This arrangement was only settled last night, Shinya living with me in the same apartment. It's a little cramped with the two of us but we plan on making it work. We just have to figure a few things out and we might want to invest in a bigger bed. Though that might be a bad idea considering I never know when my parents or brother will drop by unexpectedly. They'll know something is up if they see one large bed with two tenants.

"Sorry, sorry" Shinya muttered as he stretched himself out. "Well, there's no way I'm going to go back to sleep. But there's also no way I plan on walking around this apartment with my boner bothering me like this. Do you think…?"

I stared at him. "You're kidding… You're that horny after just waking up?"

"Have you met me?"

Sometimes, Shinya really got on my nerves. And for anyone wondering, this isn't endearing in anyway, it's just annoying and a little pathetic.

"You're going to have to settle for your own methods of sexual relief" I said to him. He decided to leave his most perverted items right next to the bed so I grabbed a pornographic DVD and threw it to him. "Here, use this but don't get anything on my bed."

"Kay!" he smiled goofily as I left the room.

That guy... Honestly, I'm not sure how we're going to make this relationship work between us. I've had three lovers before but they were all female and two of them didn't last very long. As for Shinya, his only experience with having a lover was with a guy who was always being used. Shinya still went around as he always did, sleeping with countless men despite being in a relationship. I wasn't going to let him do something like that but what if he got bored with me? I didn't want that. But I didn't want him to give his body away on a silver platter.

So, we're inexperienced lovers trying to make something work when we barely know what to do. What are we going to do?

Maybe I shouldn't be thinking so pessimistically though.

Those were my thoughts as I was drying my hair and walking back into my room for a new set of clothes. I found a nude Shinya in my bed, watching a porno on my laptop, jerking off, and about to use one of his dildos.

"What the hell do you think you're doing in my bed?!" I practically shouted. I knew that I was red all over but to think that Shinya could be this shameless was beyond me.

"Well, you told me to do it" he chuckled.

"Yeah, when I left the house!"

"It can't wait that long."

"Geez you're impatient."

-X-

What he was doing didn't bother me so much. As a matter of fact, I ended up getting a reaction with seeing him so kinky but it's really not the time for that. I told myself that I would wait until I was ready again, and not just because I was feeling horny.

But once again, thanks to my lover, I ended up feeling distracted in class again. I couldn't focus at all. I sure hope this kind of thing won't happen often.

I made a decision as I was going back to my apartment today. Shinya and I need to go on a date and we have to really learn to understand each other. The problem is, where would we go where we wouldn't be come controversial topic? I definitely don't feel like going to some gay-exclusive place like Shinya has done before, whether they're bars or any other place.

"Shinya?" I called as soon as I entered.

I forgot… He doesn't come home until later. He chose afternoon classes so he wouldn't have to wake up early as many of his clients prevent him from doing that. But now, we've become like the old saying 'Two ships passing in the night'. We'll both have time in the evening and early morning but still… I wanted to see him now.

I suddenly felt the weight of emptiness fall on me. You'd think that emptiness would feel like nothing but it's the opposite. It's like a heavy cinderblock weighing down your soul, tugging it down and reminding you that you're alone. I hate that feeling.

What do I do now?

As if to answer my unvoiced question, there was a knock at the door.

"Hold on" I said. I walked over to the door and opened it to find the worst surprise in the world. My brother. Shit.

"Tomoki!" Yutaka smiled when he saw me.

I was able to fake the enthusiasm of seeing my older brother by greeting him the same way and giving him a hug. But the problem is, my room is filled with merchandise in the gay porn and sex toy industry. If Yutaka saw that, I think I'd just die. But the worst part would be that Yutaka would tell my parents and probably drag me away from here, away from Shinya.

"What made you decide to drop by so suddenly?" I asked.

"Eh?" he blinked as if it should've been obvious. "You didn't listen to your messages? I left you one last night."

I hadn't checked my phone last night. I left it on the counter before going to move Shinya's stuff to my place. When I glanced over to it in the kitchen, I noticed a piece of paper with Shinya's sloppy scrawl on it.

"I guess I forgot" I chuckled as I picked up my phone. I secretly read the note which read that Shinya knew Yutaka was coming and he tidied up the place before going to class. Thank God. I crumpled it up and dropped it into the trash can nearby.

"What was that?" Yutaka asked.

"An old paper, it's just scrap now" I answered. "So, instead of checking the message now, why did you want to come by?"

"Well, I was just in town so I thought I'd drop in on you for a visit" Yutaka replied as he looked around the apartment. I wondered where Shinya hid all of the boxes with all of his stuff.

"How long are you going to be in town?" I asked.

"I'm not sure" he shrugged. "It all depends on how well the meeting goes. So, how have you been doing?"

"Honestly? I've been better" I chuckled.

Yutaka isn't a bad guy when you get to know him past his homophobia. He's usually pretty serious and prior to my adventures in the Digital World, he was a pretty big prick in my eyes. But I was a spoiled brat and once I got over that, he suddenly became a bit nicer to me. He was still kind of a dick to Takuya and the others though. He only seems to get along with Kouichi and Junpei, probably because they can talk about smarter things or whatever.

"Really? What's been happening?" he asked as he sat down on my couch, loosening his tie.

"You know, the usual stuff, cramped classes and cramming for exams" I said. I couldn't really tell him about my romantic troubles concerning Shinya. "Take off the monkey suit, or at least the jacket, and make yourself at home. I'll get some tea ready and then we'll talk."

"Earl Grey."

"I know the drill."

The two of us did the usual things brothers do when we haven't seen each other in a while. We talk about random things and try to catch up on what's been happening. Apparently nothing much has changed for either of us since the last time we saw each other but it was still fun just talking about silly things like old memories and people we've met.

The most interesting part of our conversation was when he started talking about this girl who asked him out. Knowing Yutaka, she was probably after him for weeks but he was too dense to notice. I felt sorry for her despite not knowing her. But it sounds like they're going on their first date after he gets back.

"Lucky you" I chuckled.

"What about you? Any girls you're interested in?" Yutaka asked.

It's like having a conversation with your mother. "No not really." This isn't a lie. I'm not good with lying so I'm glad I don't have to move around this.

"Really?" he blinked. Once again, he was acting as if it's a big surprise. "What about that girl, um… Rosa was it?"

"She was only in Tokyo for an abroad program" I told him. "She's already back in Mexico. That's pretty much old news now."

"How old?"

"Um… Eight months ago?"

Wow, I guess a few more things have changed than I thought. Rosa was my most serious girlfriend and I don't mean serious as in a characteristic. She was really peppy and liked to laugh a lot, not to mention joke around with me. But then she had to go back to her home country and while we tried to maintain our relationship, we both knew that it just wasn't possible. We broke up in the end but we're still in contact with each other.

"Why didn't you tell me?" my brother questioned.

"Maybe because I don't need to keep you updated on my life" I grinned.

He raised his hands up in surrender. "Sorry, I know I can be a bit of a helicopter sibling sometimes."

"Well, 'a bit' and 'sometimes' are understatements" I chuckled.

"I get it" he laughed.

My phone started ringing and when I checked the caller ID, I saw that it was Shinya. According to the time, he should've gotten out of his last class about an hour ago. I'm not one who worries but that's what I'm doing right now. After all, the school is only a fifteen minute walk from my apartment.

I glanced at Yutaka before getting up. "Hang on."

"Who is it?" asked Yutaka.

"It's… Shinya."

Yutaka's facial expression changed for a split second, I could see the disgust that was there before it changed back to neutral. He doesn't mean anything personal by it and is partially okay with me hanging out with him. But of course, he doesn't really like Shinya either way.

"Right…" Yutaka huffed.

I moved closer to the kitchen before actually answering the phone. "Hey, what's up?"

There was a short pause on the other line before I heard his voice. It sounded strained, like he was trying to put on that happy façade. "Hey, is your brother still there?"

"Um… Yeah, he is. What's wrong? You don't sound like yourself right now."

"It's nothing, really. I, uh, just got into a bit of a scuffle."

"You got into a fight?" I blanched. It's not hard to translate what he says into what he means and I had a pretty good idea of what this 'bit of a scuffle' is all about. "What in the world happened? God, you didn't say anything too embracing to a couple of bigots did you?" This has a happened to him before and while I support him in every way whenever he says what he says, I still don't think he should say things that could get him physically hurt.

"I'm fine" he chuckled weakly. "Just, call when your brother heads home so that I can do the same. I don't want to be there if he is."

I shook my head despite the fact that he couldn't see it. "I'll tell him to go back to wherever he's staying and I'll go pick you up. Where are you right now?"

After some arguing, I was able to convince him to let me pick him up. He had run off and hid in an alleyway next to a local bar, thankfully, it wasn't far from here. I quickly turned off my phone and walked over to my waiting brother in the living room.

"What happened? You sounded really worried" Yutaka told me before looking at me up and down. "And you look rather worried too."

"I'm fine but, um… Yutaka, I need to go pick up Shinya and take him home so I'll have to see you some other time" I replied. "It was really great seeing you again." I don't usually like to rush people out of my home like this but Shinya and I can agree on this, we both don't want Yutaka around whenever Shinya is.

"What's the big rush?" he inquired. "Can't you just pick him up, drop him off, and then come back? I promise I won't steal anything."

Can I really tell Yutaka that I'm living with the guy he hates? Well, my lover's current situation is more important than my older brother right now. Right? I mean, I know that family is forever but sometimes, you need to sever that thread for a while. I can just fix it later.

"Actually… Shinya and I are living together at the current moment" I told him, bracing myself.

I could see the look of shock register on his face before he glossed it over with another neutral expression. No, I'm wrong. He doesn't look indifferent, he looks mad. At me? At Shinya? I don't know but I do know that he's mad at one of us.

"Did he try anything?" he asked.

I knew what he was asking. "No…"

"Why are you two living together?"

"It's… easier to pay rent and he comes by all the time anyway."

"I see… Then go pick him up. I'll go back to my hotel."

I nodded as he picked up his stuff and put his blazer back on. Yutaka was never the easiest person to talk to about certain subjects, that hasn't changed since I came back from the Digital World. He likes to evade them and pretend that it doesn't matter. When will I have to tell him that it does matter?

I am a guy, going out with another guy. We had sex with each other. Both of these are things, which in my brother's eyes, are something a decent person shouldn't ever do. And I know I can't hide it from him and the rest of my family forever. So when he finds out, he's just going to have to understand. At least I hope that's what they'll try to do.

"I'll see you some other time" I said as he left. At least he didn't slam the door, that's what he did when he marched into his room after I shouted that he was being an idiot for kicking Shinya out of the house after that dinner.

This is not the time to be thinking about awful memories. I grabbed my car keys and rushed out the door. I have to go pick up Shinya.

-X-

I only realized how dark it had gotten when I parked next to the bar and got out. It was fucking cold and because I rushed out, I didn't put on the proper clothing for being out here. But I only cared for the few seconds the brisk air hit me. I moved towards the alleyway and saw him on the concrete ground, bursing various wounds on his body.

"Shinya!" I said as I knelt down towards him. "What the hell happened to you?" He was covered with bruises and judging from the way he was clutching his stomach, I could guess that he was hit there a couple of times as well.

"Nothing" he croaked out with that smile of his. Doesn't he know he's not going to fool anyone in this condition?

"Why do I even try?" I muttered irately as I helped him up. I had to get him out of the cold first so I helped him limp into the passenger's seat of my car. Once I got in and turned on the heat, I looked towards him. "Tell me what happened."

"I already told you" Shinya shrugged. His smile was gone now. "Nothing happened."

"And who do you think that's going to fool?" I inquired.

He sunk down in the seat, knowing I was right. "Can we just talk about this at home?"

I knew what he was doing, once he had more room back at the apartment, he would feign physical and possible emotional trauma. I would then end up pampering him and forgetting all the questions I was supposed to ask him. I wouldn't fall for it but I'm not going to waste my time with him.

"Tell me what happened to you…" I said firmly but softly.

Shinya turned to look me in the eye. He pressed his forehead into my shoulder and I could feel him quivering. Was he crying? "I don't want you getting involved in something majorly stupid" he sniffed. "It doesn't involve you…"

"If it had something to do with your sexuality, then it definitely involves me" I replied as I tilted his head up. He really was crying, he never let this get to him before. "Did you forget that we're going out now? If something happened to you, then you need to tell me. And never tell me that it has nothing to do with me. Whether I'm your friend or your boyfriend, it will always involve me. So stop acting like you're alone in this."

"I know I'm not…" he coughed. "Can I have some water?"

I handed him the water bottle I always have in the car. "Are you going to tell me happened?"

He nodded while chugging down what was left in the bottle. "Of course…"

"So?"

-X-

We both sat on my bed while Shinya toyed around with my laptop, playing various music videos to make himself feel better. They were mostly American artists, especially ones with a history of supporting the LGBTQ community such as Lady Gaga, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, or Demi Lovato. Both of us loved these artists but we also both know that he binge listens to them when he's feeling down.

"You've watched Really Don't Care about seventeen times now" I remarked when he hit the replay button.

"I know…" he replied solemnly.

I've never seen him like this and he's faced plenty of abuse before. He hasn't cried since the time his parents had temporarily kicked him out after he came out.

My grip on my arm became tighter as I watched him brush off another stray tear. Tadashi is a fucking asshole. I've never hated anyone so much in life before. I doubt that even Lucemon could come close to the distaste I held for my upperclassman at the moment.

"We should go to the police or someone with some authority" I finally said. "We can't just let Tadashi think that he can do what he pleases."

"No…" Shinya shook his head. "Do you really think an authoritative figure would care about someone like me?"

"What the fuck are you saying?" I gaped. "This guy physically assaulted you! I may not be a lawmaker, but I'm pretty sure you can get arrested for that. And they're cops, they're job is to protect the defenseless and those in need."

"And what did they do for Izumi seven years ago?" Shinya shot back at me.

I stiffened. Of all the things he could've possibly brought up, this was the most convincing. Seven years ago, when Izumi was sixteen, she was walking home and some thugs jumped her. They had tried to rape her but she was able to beat them up. Junpei wasn't the only one who felt he needed to train himself so that when he reunited with his spirits, they would be proud of him. We all went though some form of self-defense training.

Unfortunately, a week after that incident, the same thugs jumped her again but they snuck up on her. She was knocked out and then they tried to rape her. Thankfully, Kouji was just coming home from karate and he saw them. He was able to scare them away and then he took Izumi to the police so that they could report it.

The police they had gone to… They laughed. I had heard about it but thought it was only a rumor. Japan is infamously known for the police mistreatment of foreigners. Whenever tourists come to the authorities to report a rape, assault, burglary of any sort, they're usually brushed off.

Izumi must've looked like a tourist rather than a legal citizen to those jerks. But luckily, there were a few cops at the station doing their job properly. They asked Izumi some questions and promised to get the criminals responsible.

A few months later, Kouji got a call that they were apprehended but it didn't matter much. The Orimotos had moved back to Italy after their daughter's close call. Without anyone to press charges, those assholes were let go. This spurred Kouji into going to law school and he returned as a prosecuting attorney. As for Izumi, she soon became an idol, starting in Hollywood and shared her story with the world. It brought attention to Japan's police force and things are starting to change.

That was my argument to Shinya. "This is different!"

"Well once they start asking questions like 'why did Tadashi attack me', they'll ignore me! They won't care about a fag like me…" Shinya snapped. He shut off the laptop and buried his head in his hands.

Whenever he insults himself like this, then that means he's in an even worse condition than I believed. "You're a real idiot…" I sighed.

But I can't force him to do something that he doesn't want to. If he's determined to avoid taking this to the authorities, then I simply can't make him.

"…I'll be fine…" Shinya whispered.

"I still think you're an idiot" I huffed. But then I remembered something I had been thinking about. "Shinya… Do you want to go somewhere this weekend?"

"Where?"

"Anywhere… I just want to be with you."

"Like on a date?"

I put my hand over his. "It's been on my mind for a while. I want to go out…"

Shinya mustered up a small smile. "I think I have a good place we could go."

"Good…" I smiled. I let a short moment of silence pass between us before giving him one soft kiss on his lips. "I'm going to go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning…"

"Yeah… I'll see you in the morning. Night…"

"Night…"


	6. Bumps and Bruises

"Tomoki forgot his phone" I blinked.

I picked it up and accidentally turned it on, it showed that there was a message from Yutaka. I know I'm not supposed to listen to other people's messages but what if the message is something about that guy visiting? I know Tomoki wouldn't want his older brother to see all of my junk in the apartment. Not to mention the sex toys I left in Tomoki's room, that would be embarrassing and awkward and just about hundred other feelings all at once.

I listened to it and my gut instinct was right. I looked back at all of the boxes containing my belongings and wondered where I should hide them.

I ended up stuffing everything I could fit into closets and drawers that still had space. The rest of the boxes, I would have to take somewhere else and I knew exactly where. It would be like killing two birds with one stone with this plan anyway.

I stuffed them into the trunk of my car and drove off to the not-so-vacant lot nearby where construction work was happening. When I got there, I stepped out of my car, took a moment to admire the muscular bodies work, and then call out. "Hey, Junpei!"

Junpei literally jumped a couple of inches, I have never seen him caught so off guard before it surprised the hell out of me.

"D-Don't scare me like that!" he yelped.

It's really cute to see a big guy like him say something like that. Hey, I promised to remain faithful, I never said I wouldn't fantasize or daydream.

"Oh calm down" I chuckled as I walked up to him. Damn… He's taller than I remember, I could tell because it felt like my neck has to be bent farther back. "By the way, how tall are you again?"

Junpei blinked. "Um… I think last time I checked, 191 cm." For those of you unaware, that's the equivalent to over 6 feet and 3 inches.

This guy… Why is he so freakishly tall?! Why was I here again? Oh, right. "Hey, Junpei, is it okay if I keep some of my stuff like right here?" I asked, gesturing towards the foreman's area.

Junpei was about to answer when some 200 cm tall man appeared behind him. I saw a glimpse of the man lightly grope Junpei's ass. Junpei yelped as he glared at the stranger who was laughing. "Kiraya-san! Will you get back to work and stop harassing me?" He was blushing madly.

My mind began spurring into action. Tomoki had mentioned that he learned something interesting when he had come here yesterday, could this relationship be it? After all, he also mentioned that he might not be able to tell me.

"Oh come on, you know I can't help it Jun-chan" Kiraya laughed.

This guy is even burlier than Junpei, and being the pervert that I am, I began imagining. Their sex was just a twisted ball of muscle and, even though I couldn't tell through their clothes, I picture hair as well. Either way, two studs having sex is enough to make me hard even if it is in my mind. And I just got off this morning.

I have to distract myself from my erotic daydreams. "So… Jun-chan…"

Junpei tensed up when I called him that, it was clear that he didn't like being referred to with that nickname. Admittedly, it was cute but Jun-chan disagreed.

"Don't call me that" Junpei warned me before returning his glare to the older man. "Look, I'm still mad at you for what you did last night and I really don't want to deal with you right now. Get back to work or I'll really fire you."

He was serious. Kiraya could see that and he looked really guilty all of a sudden. "I already said I was sorry… Why can't you just forgive me?"

Junpei turned away from his employee and put his focus on me. "Yeah, you can put your stuff over there. Just be careful not to get in the way of any of the workers on your way there."

I nodded as I watched Kiraya walk back to work. I felt kind of bad for him but it's not really my problem. I asked Junpei to help me bring my stuff over and with the two of us together; we were able to bring all of my stuff over to the foreman's table.

"Don't you think you were kind of harsh to Kiraya-san?" I inquired. "I mean, you seem to have unmotivated him from doing his job properly."

Junpei looked over to the older man and saw that he seemed really distracted and depressed. The foreman sighed as if this was a problem that had happened before. "I'll apologize and talk to him about it. But first… There's something I want to ask you."

I blinked. "What is it?"

He pointed a finger to the open box with my 'toys', magazines, DVDs, and doujinshis. "What the hell is all of that doing in plain sight?!"

"I guess that would be kind of disturbing to your workers" I chuckled. "I guess I can just keep it in the trunk of my car instead."

"Yeah, that might be a good idea" Junpei nodded before the same idea struck the both of us. I could've just left all of my stuff inside the trunk. But then another thought struck me, I never actually told Junpei why I was leaving my stuff here but he was allowing me to do so anyway.

So while the older man was rubbing the bridge of his nose in irritation, I decided to bring it up. "I didn't even tell you why I needed space to leave my stuff, huh…"

"You moved in with Tomoki and Yutaka is coming to visit him after school" said Junpei.

I was shocked that he knew. "Does being part Digimon mean you have psychic powers?"

"No…" Junpei answered. "Yutaka dropped by this morning. He told me his plans to visit Tomoki and I already from Tomoki what happened between you two. And now I'm assuming that you two decided to try out being lovers and you moved in with him. Now, you're bringing your stuff somewhere else so that when Yutaka visits, he won't be suspicious."

"Wow…" I had to say I was impressed by his deduction skills. He could've been a private investigator and with his build, he could be like Detective Gumshoe from Phoenix Wright. "You could cosplay as Gumshoe and no one would notice the difference!"

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?!" he snapped. "Geez, just talking to you is exhausting. How will Tomoki ever survive with a lover like you?"

"I don't know how Kiraya will survive with someone as cold as you" I retorted.

Junpei seemed a little surprised that I said that. "Kiraya-san and I… aren't lovers…"

"You're not?"

He shook his head. "I'm his employer and that's almost all there is to it."

"I see…" I didn't really but it seems they're relationship is too complex to look into.

I got to work on putting the boxes back into my car but I decided to leave it parked here for now. I don't think Yutaka knows what my car looks like but it's better to be safe than sorry. I left Junpei too work as I got ready for school. And that means confronting Tadashi about cancelling the boxing team's appointment. They're going to have to find another way to end their sexual frustrations.

-X-

Classes were boring as always but after class is when the non-boring stuff happens. As soon as I left the literature building, I saw Tadashi talking to with a couple of his friends. I walked up to them and automatically, I could feel the atmosphere shift into subzero temperatures. One of Tadashi's friends is a bigger bigot than a conservative in Russia from the 1920s. Another isn't a conservative but he thinks that what gays do is unsanitary and disgusting. He's also one of my clients since he's also in the boxing club so he's just a bag full of shit.

Tadashi noticed me and I immediately laughed like I was a joke. "Well, if it isn't the little fag! What? You couldn't wait for the appointment that you decided to drop by early. I suppose I can give you a little treat if you beg."

The conservative Russian from the 1920s scoffed. "I'll talk to you later Tadashi." He gave me one last venomous glare before walking off. And here I thought we really hit it off.

"Actually, I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow" I replied calmly.

"What? Are you too busy to come? If so, there's nothing wrong with postponing it to right before the match on Friday" he said.

Wow, this guy's a bigger dick than I remember. See, that sentence can be manipulated into something completely different. You just need to add the word 'got' in there and boom! Perverted sentence and possibly appropriate if I went through with having sex with him.

"No, I want to cancel the appointment all together" I said. "I'm not interested in being your toy anymore."

Tadashi started laughing but stopped when he saw I was serious. He glared at me but I was unfazed. At least, I seemed like it outwardly, inside, I was thinking about shitting my pants. This guy was built like a brick house. I mean, he wasn't as muscular as Junpei but I could tell that he could beat me into an ugly pulp. Something Kouji could do if you seriously pissed him off. So… Let's recap, this guy isn't as physically strong as Junpei but he is like Kouji. There…

"What the fuck are you saying? You're the school's fag slut" Tadashi growled, literally growled, at me.

"Well… Not anymore" I shrugged nonchalantly. If I can't land a career in Japan, I should seriously consider moving to Hollywood and making it big there. "You guys can probably find someone else to take my place. I'm sure there are plenty of desperate guys looking to be dicked by a bunch of assholes." And then, because I couldn't keep my mouth shut, I said this. "Unless you're looking for girls, in which case, you guys might want to try hiring an escort."

Tadashi's lackey started glaring at me now. "What the hell does that mean?"

"I'm just wondering, how many times can you fuck a guy and still keep saying you're straight?" I shrugged. Shit. Stop talking!

Tadashi grabbed me by my collar and pulled me closer to his face so that I could see the fire raging in his eyes. I really pissed him off. "You calling us fags?"

This was really bad but I just didn't know when to keep my mouth shut. Stupid pride! "I'm only implying it…" And again, because I had the chance to say it, I said it. "Are you going to kiss me or what?"

That tipped him over the edge; he punched me across the face, sending me flying a meter or two. I landed onto the concrete ground and it burned my back like crazy. I tried to get back up but then Tadashi stepped on my chest, pushing me back down and having the back of my head bump the ground a bit. The other boxing club member walked over and kicked my side.

"You better watch that filthy mouth of yours" Tadashi snarled.

My response was to give them a weak smile while trying to keep both my eyes open. "Funny, I thought you liked doing that for me." I didn't want them getting to me. I didn't want to admit defeat by doing absolutely nothing against them. The only thing I had to use against them was my words. And they only exacerbated my situation.

"You're a piece of shit, you fag" the goon snapped as he continued kicking me.

I was still on campus so I held on to some hope that a teacher would come over and stop this beating. But most were still inside, weren't they? I guess I just have to wait. But I didn't have to do that for long as I heard another student run over. I think it was Maehara, I sit next to him in the class we just had.

"Stop it, you two!" Maehara shouted at them.

The boxing club members let go of me and squinted at the blurry figures above me. I could see that Maehara clearly dwarfed in size in comparison to Tadashi and his friend. If Maehara says the wrong thing, he could end up in the hospital and it'll be my fault.

"What; are you the fag's boyfriend?" Tadashi scoffed. "I bet you are, or you wouldn't be protecting someone like him."

"Yeah, just stay out of the way unless you want to get hurt" the other guy said. I still can't remember his name.

Maehara was shaking and it showed in his voice but it didn't look like he was about to stand down. This guy is pretty tough; I have to remember to thank him later.

"I'm not going to stand by and watch you beat Shinya up. It wouldn't matter if it was Shinya or anyone else for that matter!" Maehara snapped. "Shinya's way cooler than you assholes anyway."

I noticed the way Tadashi's shoulder was drawing back and I immediately used my strength to push myself off the ground. I slammed my weight into Tadashi, catching him off balance and then ran off, racing in a different direction from home. I wasn't about to run back to Tomoki's apartment and have them beat him up as well.

"Shinya!" Maehara called after me.

I didn't look back. I didn't have to. I knew that Tadashi and the goon were chasing me. And I knew that I had to get away from them. I kept running until I found an alleyway I could hide in after cutting a few corners. I was gasping for air as I leaned back against the wall. I fell to my ass and clutched the bruises on my body while trying to ignore the stench of the dumpster beside. I watched as Tadashi ran past the alley and I waited before calling for help. Before calling Tomoki…

-X-

I woke up the next morning next to one of my saviors. I think this is the first time I woke up before Tomoki but then again, I did go to sleep before him. I could feel him tossing and turning even while I was asleep. He was that worried about me huh…

"Tomoki… You're going to be late to school if you don't get up now" I said quietly. I shook him gently until his eyes fluttered open.

"It's morning already" he groaned. "It felt like I fell asleep only a few minutes ago."

I chuckled lightly. I wasn't in the mood for big laughs right now but I could still smile. I guess that means I'm still functional. "You probably did…"

"I'm going to get breakfast ready" Tomoki yawned as he got up. "I'll cook up oyur favorite while I'm at it."

"You don't have to do that" I tried to stop him but he insisted, so I let him. When he came back with a tray of pancakes, a cream cheese bagel, and a glass of orange juice, I grabbed onto his sleeve. "Hey, do you think it would be okay if I stayed home today?"

Tomoki chuckled a bit. "Just because I served you breakfast in bed doesn't make me your parent. Go ahead… You could use the rest. You still look like shit."

"Funny, I feel better than shit."

"How does shit feel?"

"Probably really shitty."

Tomoki smiled, I could tell that he was relieved that I wasn't as depressed as I was last night. Then again, the idea of going on a first date with Tomoki definitely brightened up my mood significantly. "I'll be home soon, don't wait up for me." He smiled as he planted a soft kiss on my lips.

"Hey… Can you do me one little favor before you go?" I asked as he got up and grabbed his bag.

"Sure, anything" is what Tomoki said but he was holding his signature frying pan in one of his hands. He didn't even walk in with it, was it just lying around in the room in case?

"What's the frying pan for? We're already lovers so none of my advances would be 'unwanted', right?" I chuckled.

"That's where you're wrong" Tomoki replied coolly. "If you I catch you flirting with other men, if you openly try to have sex with me when I'm not ready, and if you retell any of our sexual escapades to anyone outside of this relationship, I will have to smash your skull in so hard; your brains will cover these walls."

"Geez, you could make one hell of a murderer like that" I muttered.

Tomoki rolled his eyes. "I'm going to be late if you keep me here any longer."

"Right" I chuckled. "Can you see if Maehara Hitori is around while you're at school? I want you to thank him for me. He was the one who helped me get away from Tadashi yesterday."

Tomoki smiled. "Then I'm going to have to thank him personally as well."

"Thanks… Good luck in school."

"I'll see you soon."

I watched Tomoki take off and then I was left alone to my own devices once again. The first thing I was going to do was demolish the delicious breakfast that my lover whipped up for me. Once that was done, I went to take a shower since I couldn't last night. Once I was out of the shower, I walked over to my phone and dialed a number. I didn't even bother to put any clothes back on. I feel my best in my natural state after all.

"Hey… Akira-chan? I was wondering…"

-X-

Tomoki came back home and he saw me packing things into my backpack but it wasn't much so it was obvious I wasn't moving out.

"Welcome back!" I grinned as I stood up and kissed him.

Tomoki kissed me back but he seemed preoccupied by the shirts laid out all over the place. "What are you doing? Going on a trip?"

"Yes, we're both going on a little trip" I smiled.

"We are?" Tomoki blinked. "You're not going to drag me to visit one of your family members right? I just became your lover and I've met your parents more times than I can count." He walked past me and dumped his bag on the couch.

"Actually… This trip is going to be our first date" I told him. That caught his attention. "I told you that I already had some idea of where to go, didn't I?"

"Well… Yeah, but I wasn't expecting it to be such a big surprise."

"I just want our first date to be something special, one we'll never forget" I said. God, I was getting really mushy. This was very unlike me but I'm feeling giddy about this first date. I never thought that the prospect of dating would ever be more appealing to me than having sex and I'm sure Tomoki would agree. "So, pack up enough stuff for one weekend."

"Can you at least give me a clue of where we're going?" Tomoki asked. He was simply overflowing with curiosity and excitement.

"We're going to the mountains to do a little hiking" I told him as I stuffed a torch into my backpack and zipped it up. "And we're going to be staying at a bathhouse for a little bit." I continued before he could reply. "Don't worry, this isn't some ploy to get you naked and then sleep with you. I honestly want to spend this weekend with you."

That is the most sincere I've ever heard myself. And Tomoki would agree again. "Fine… I guess it's my own fault for suggesting a first date in the first place. Speaking of which, are gay guys supposed to have a whole weekend for a first date?"

This time, I rolled my eyes. "A first date can be anywhere, stupid. As long as it's with the right people, a date could be any activity done in any place. We could go fishing, to a restaurant, clubbing, a bakery, shopping, but it doesn't change the fact that it's a first date."

Tomoki smiled, and bumped my head lightly with the frying pan that seemingly appeared from out of nowhere. "That… was for calling me stupid."


End file.
